just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
