I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
