I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he was CRYING into my vagina
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i dont even know how to be here
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
