what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
