Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
we're so committed to being not committed
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
