I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
