I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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