i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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