porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We left the knife in your bed.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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