DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
