Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
