dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
where am i from again
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
