I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
