ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
