You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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