I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Your penis caused this!
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