Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
