i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
