What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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