One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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