i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
