She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
