I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I have demons in me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
