Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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