i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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