Umm I'm too high to move.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
