After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
