singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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