Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
