Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
