Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
