She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
