No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
