ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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