she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
