WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
