I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
