I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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