is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
