are you still at the devil's house?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
