are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
