I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
