i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
