Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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