ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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