meet me or not, i'm out of control
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
