Me. At least after what I've been through.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
