No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
