we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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