Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
