Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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