My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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