dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
