Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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