we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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