I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
