i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Never joke about your clitoris.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
